بــــــانــــــــــوی فـــــــــروردیــــــــن

It's so damnly bitter to hear words which straightly aim at the depth of your heart.

It's bitter,bitter,so bitter to be misunderstood.How easy it is to make you sob your heart out.How rejoiceful it is for the others to watch you cry...Nobody knows the value of these tears...Nobody!Even yourself girl...even yourself girl...

Your students,your colleagues,your family,your friends and the one who claims to love you, easily break your heart and pass on...They pass on and you wonder with tearful eyes whether you had been a sinner in a previous life and reborn as a girl...an emotional girl who can't tolerate the idea of being mediocre...The girl who can easily burst into tears at the idea of being thought useless.What a bad pain it is...What a bad pain...

You watch your heart which is smashed into pieces and instead of vowing that you would take care of it,you devote it to the ones you love deeply,honestly and purely and they don't know what to do with it...Probably it is too wonderful a toy to play with and you are too kind to deprive them of this and consequently it is you who lose.But is it a loss?Not in my dictionary of life...Not in my life!I superficially lose but...

Do you remember Oscar?Do you remember what you said in De Profundis?

"....Love does not traffic in a market place,nor use a huckster's scales.Its joy,like the joy of the intellect ,is to feel alive.The aim of love is to love:No more, and no less....

....I sat amist the ruins of my wonderful life,crushed by anguish,bewildered with terror, dazed through pain.But I would not hate you..Evry day I said to myself :"I must keep love in my heart to-day,else how shall I live through the day?"

Suffering is one long moment...we cannot divide it by seasons.We only record its moods,and chronicle their return.With us time itself does not progress It revolves.It seems to circle round one centre of pain..."

Ah!happy they whose hearts can break

God!this child of you is wrecked...badly wrecked...please help her...please....you help me stand on me feet again or let me leave this filthy world forever.

 

 

 

نوشته شده در سه‌شنبه ٥ اردیبهشت ۱۳۸٥ساعت ۱۱:٥۳ ‎ق.ظ توسط بانوی فروردین نظرات () |

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